{"id":108,"date":"2026-04-18T20:43:03","date_gmt":"2026-04-18T20:43:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.aliciasangels.com\/blog\/?p=108"},"modified":"2026-04-18T17:14:05","modified_gmt":"2026-04-18T23:14:05","slug":"cancer-and-family-members","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.aliciasangels.com\/blog\/cancer-and-family-members\/","title":{"rendered":"Cancer and Your Family"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Your family’s support is essential to your mental well-being.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You are dealing with a lot during your cancer treatments, both physically and mentally. How can you best manage your family relationships during your cancer journey?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Read More<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Dear Family Member, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it seems like you were diagnosed too when your mother, father, husband, wife, sister, brother was diagnosed with cancer. I know how you felt the blow of it; how in that instant your whole world changed. How the very trajectory of your life was upended and sent spinning out of control. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know how the thoughts came roaring through your mind. How will I get by without her? \u2026 Who will pay the mortgage? \u2026 What about the wedding this summer? \u2026 Can I get a refund on the cruise? \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And with these emotions I know there is tension and big emotions that stop you in your tracks and make you feel like you\u2019re walking through waist-deep jello. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course I also know you\u2019re motivated by what\u2019s best for your loved one. I know you\u2019ll sit by their side in the darkest, most painful moments and that you\u2019ll tirelessly seek out the best medical interventions available. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019ll do all of this according to the capacity you have. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I also know that between you and your loved one, only one of you has been diagnosed with cancer. Only one of you is reckoning with the way their body is being taken over and how they now face a truth that lies way past the mortgage and the vacation tickets. Your loved one is working on the level of eternity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you want to help them, you must start by witnessing them. It\u2019s the most important thing to let go of your own experience of playing the role of the spouse\/sibling\/parent\/child and take all your attention and really see your loved one. Can you put yourself in their shoes and witness you witnessing them? When we can do this, we not only honor the experience of the person behind the cancer patient, but we also give ourselves the best chance of hearing that person and finding out what they really need. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often what they need and what you feel you need are not the same at all. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And as the witness, we must allow the person to have as much agency and perceived control as possible. This alone allows them to let go of the pressure they may feel to waste precious attention on pleasing us. Above all, we must allow them to have their own experience without worrying about us. This is the only way the person behind the patient can find peace and even beauty in their journey. This peace leads to acceptance on the deepest level so they can maintain dignity and courage even as they face their own demise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But at the same time, we must also honor our experience. The trick is finding that balance. Finding that space where you are showing up for yourself, identifying and acknowledging your struggles, and finding the support you need, while also showing up for your loved one with gentle presence, empathy, and compassion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most importantly, Family Member, you need to know that none of this is easy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not for you, not for your loved one, and not for anyone else in their world. It\u2019s all very confusing and overwhelming. It takes a certain skillset to manage it all. This set of skills can be developed in a matter of weeks and only requires about 15 minutes a day. And if you learn these skills from a guy like me, it won\u2019t feel like work at all. We\u2019re talking about simple mental exercises that train you to develop the basic skills of emotional intelligence. And if you commit to it, you really can become quite skilled within only a few weeks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the thing.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same balance between you and your loved one applies here, too. As you do these practices, you feel a sense of calm and self regulation.  You\u2019ll find the ability to give space to your loved one with empathy and compassion. This will make the whole experience much easier for you. However, these benefits pale in comparison to what your loved one gets from the work you do on yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In summary, the best way to show compassion for your loved one is to show compassion for yourself. And I can show you how. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Art Burns is Director of Alicia\u2019s Angels, a 501(c)3 charity that delivers mindfulness based interventions to cancer patients, their family members, and caregivers. For more information, please visit<\/em> aliciasangels.com<\/a>. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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