I posted this simple question on social media yesterday, and the answers surprised and caused me a little concern: 

“What does everyone do for their emotional and spiritual health?’

I got nearly 100 answers within hours. And all but two said it was all about prayer, God and Jesus. 

Which is amazing, if you’re a religious person. But what if you’re not? 

What if you grew up without any exposure to religion, or worse, you grew up with some kind of religion-based trauma? Does this mean you don’t get to develop emotional or spiritual well being without changing your belief systems and/or putting yourself through the pain of your trauma? 

In a word, Heck No! 

I am not saying religion isn’t helpful for some. As my brief anecdotal research shows, 98% of people – in a secular facebook group – turn to religion to help them through the darkest and most difficult experience of their lives. And, believe me, I am very happy for them! 

But in order to understand how to develop non-faith based emotional and spiritual support for ourselves, it’s helpful to understand exactly why religion works so well for so many. When we connect with our understanding of God, we are connecting with something much bigger than ourselves. This connection to something bigger than ourselves has been well known in psychology for decades. And the reason is illustrated in all the world’s religions and philosophies. 

The understanding of Western religions and Eastern philosophies is that the self – what we call the Ego – is a separate, differentiated identity. And when we dwell entirely in the ego, we feel alone and separate from everything. This separation leads to fear. Fear then causes tension in the body and serves up all the scary thoughts and images of how bad everything is. This gets us caught in a feedback loop that can last a lifetime. 

But all these religions, in their own way, tell us there is another form of the self – a deeper form that is interconnected to all the consciousness of the entire universe. 

In Hinduism and Buddhism, they call it Atman. The unchanging self. In Christianity, it would involve The Holy Spirit. Regardless of what we call it, it is this deeper, connected self that, unlike the ego, is never alone – never disconnected from the whole of humanity. 

And when we dwell in the consciousness of this deeper, connected self, we feel the opposite of fear. We feel love. 

The best part? We can connect to this deeper self any time, any where. It doesn’t require belief or religious fundamentals. Because this deeper self has always been inside you. And inside me. And inside everyone who’s ever lived. 

I like to explain it like this: 

Right now, think about the voice inside your mind. That narrating, commenting voice we all have in us. (It doesn’t have to feel like a ‘voice’, per se. You can think of it simply as your conscious awareness.) 

Now, go back to your earliest memory and see if you can recognize the way this voice, this consciousness has always been there. Of course, you’ve grown, matured, and learned a great deal since that earliest memory. It would be absurd to think you see everything exactly the way you did when you were four years old. 

Yet, the foundation of that consciousness has always been there, and some aspect of it has never changed.

Another way you can understand it is that there is a part of your consciousness that can observe your ego.You can try this right now. Just see if you can observe yourself sitting where you are right now. Notice your body is breathing without any effort. After some practice, you can even observe yourself thinking. 

Another way is to describe your experience this way: Instead of thinning “I am hungry” or “I am angry,” we can say “My body is experiencing ______ right now.” This is what psychologists call disidentification and doing so creates this observer’s perspective. So that we disidentify, for at least a little time, from the Ego – the “I” in all our experiences. 

It takes a bit of practice, but anyone can do it. And when we do, the part of us who is observing IS the deeper, connected self I’m talking about. 

This is true for everyone. 

And it is this deeper self we connect to when we quiet the mind and focus our attention inward. 

Most people call it meditation. Some refer to it as Yoga, though it’s not simply the downward dog pose and the like. It is, rather, a deeper looking inward. And this looking can only happen from the state of quiet in the mind – from a state that is free from all the thoughts that rush through our minds all day – the doctors appointments, the price of gas, even thoughts about your cancer.

The best part? 

Doing this only requires about 15 minutes a day, and anyone can do it, anywhere, anytime. 

When you’re ready to get started, go here to find our FREE guided sessions.